Wednesday Wonderings: Anger Management 9/24/25
In the ‘50s and ‘60s, one of the biggest threats a mother could issue to misbehaving children was, “Just wait until your father gets home!” That line alone could instill fear into the most incorrigible brat. It was the last weapon in a mother’s arsenal and only used in severe situations. She was bringing out the “big guns” if she issued that ultimatum.
When the father came home, he’d be told the events of the day leading up to the mother’s exasperation, and then he’d handle the reins of punishment. Usually, dads had a way of being stern, letting you know they disapproved, issued appropriate punishment in a calm but forceful manner, and the child learned a lesson.
Yes, there were abusive parents, but in general we didn’t see anger get explosive. We learned how to moderate our emotions from our parents’ example.
Since then, society has generated a number of theories and proposed changes in how children are disciplined and how people should share more about their feelings. “Free love,” “openness and honesty,” “let it all out,” and other phrases have come into our vernacular. All of these are fine for an individual’s emotional expression, but they don’t address how one person letting it all out affects those that surround them.
People also do not understand where their anger comes from. They just express it and, too often, hold onto it. As a result, civil discourse has essentially gone down the toilet.
Anger comes from a number of sources and there’s no way I can cover them all here, but a few examples are:
· Insecurity– When someone feels ignorant, belittled, entitled, or “less than,” they will lash out.
· Retaliation– Don’t poke the bear, it pisses him off.
· Sadness– Anger is used as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling sad or showing grief.
· Fear– Anger is part of the “fight or flight” reaction. Challenge someone’s beliefs and they get angry.
While anger is a healthy and normal response, we have to learn how to deal with it. Bottling it up leads to physical issues like high blood pressure, ulcers and other ailments. However, fighting, attacking, and even killing others is not acceptable.
Nowadays, too many people get ticked off and think it’s okay to go on a shooting spree. We never know when someone will go off the rails because they don’t like a t-shirt and think it’s okay to put a few bullet holes in it.
It is time that we take control of our feelings and OWN them. When I get mad, I ask myself, “Why am I mad?” If it’s because of something someone said, I dig deeper. “Why did that make me angry?” Maybe I’m disappointed because their reaction was unexpected. Then I recognize, they are allowed to have their feelings and I don’t have to accept it as a personal assault.
My favorite response is stated by my inner voice—not aloud. When I recognize that someone has gotten angry needlessly because they are a total dumbass douchebag, I refuse to participate and think, “Bless their heart.” That’s southern for f-you and doesn’t leave a bad taste in your mouth. A reaction or reply isn’t necessary. Just smile and back away.
Someone else’s behavior is their choice. How you react is yours. Is their actions worth your energy and emotion or do you have something else that needs your attention more?
For more information check out this article and additional links available at the American Psychological Association: https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
“When a man is wrong and won’t admit it, he always gets angry. ”
“Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.”
“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”